How to avoid being hurt, pain and disappointment in relationships
1st March 2010: I see you. Yes you, with the
big smile on your face but internally you’re bleeding. With the bronzer
shining so bright on your cheeks and yet you feel so dull and empty
deep down within you.
 With the nice big fake eye lashes, trapping those tears you are
concealing. With that shiny gloss on your lips that’s preventing you
from speaking out your pain.
Yes you walk with stride, with your head high up.... you appear so
confident to the eyes of man, but you feel insecure deep down inside
you. Your body, beautiful skin and features command attention but you
feel like a servant.
Some look at you and call you the angry black woman. To some you appear
strong but deep down inside you are really bitter. You can’t trust any
man because you had so much love to give and it was abused.
You know what it’s like to stand by someone emotionally, financially
and physically and yet get betrayed. You know what it’s like to love
someone regardless of what you’ve heard and how they act and yet get
repaid by hurt. You’ve shed tears in the past, but now... you no longer
weep.
You are immune to pain now, there’s nothing anyone can say that can
ever break you. Because what they want to break is already broken. No
one see this, no one knows this.
I understand your pain. I know what it’s like to get so close to
someone and get too scared to even confide in them. Why? Because the
ghosts from the past start appearing in your mind... and you start
thinking that this new one is also going to do to you what has been
done before. So you shut down this person completely and get content in
loneliness.
Hurt? People expect you to deal with hurt so simply... but they can
never understand how deep you’ve been cut. You take longer to heal.
Just when you think you’ve healed there comes a person who is ready to
put some salt in the wound, and cut you 10 inches deeper than before.
So what do you do then in a situation like this? Don’t stop being a
lady; just start changing how you think. Ladies, you can never heal
from your pain if you don’t deal with the root causes. Forgive whoever
hurts you. Yes forgive and wish them well.
What we tend to do as ladies is to forget our hurt without forgiving. I
know a lot of ladies can relate to the above... but you know what?
Sometimes we have no one else to blame but ourselves, so until we take
control of our lives and certain situations, we’ll spend the rest of
our lives trying to adjust to pain.
I see a lot of women, some in their 40’s still battling the issues I
defeated a year ago and it breaks my heart that we take something as
big as experience so lightly in relationships. I’m a scholar of life
and here is what I have learnt in my all failed relationships and I
hope this helps you too. So the next time you walk confidently in
stride, with your head high up make sure this isn’t a front but how you
are feeling deep down inside of you.
So how do we avoid going through the same hurt, pain and disappointment
in relationships? I’ve came to the conclusion that men are very simple
creatures, us women make them complicated and end up creating our own
hurt (at times).
1) When you first meet a man, before anything else, make sure you find
out if this man is on the track in order to get where he wants to be..
because until he figures out where he is going and how he is going to
get there you will only fit into the cracks of his life.
2) Stop assuming that every man you meet wants to be in a serious
relationship and don’t think that you can ever change his view on
relationships. Make sure you establish the relationship you are both
after before you get serious with someone who is only after a casual
relationship. You’re only setting yourself up for hurt if you do so.
3) If you’re officially dating or in a relationship with someone, make
sure he gives you a title. If you’re truly his woman, he should be able
to tell anybody and everybody about you. If you’ve been “dating” for a
few years and he still introduces you to people with your first name or
as his “friend” then that’s what you probably are to him.
4) Does he provide for you? I don’t mean financially... I mean how does
he cater to your emotional and physical needs? Can you rely on him to
do simple things for you, or you’re at the bottom of his priorities? If
you are, that says something.
5) Do you feel protected when you are with him?
6) Most men are looking for a sport or a keeper. So you have to know
what you are. A Sports woman doesn’t have any rules, requirements or
respect for herself. Men can smell this no matter how good you are at
pretending. A keeper never gives in easily and commands respect just by
the way she carries herself.
7) Any man who laughs at your standards and shows minimal respect to
your values is not to be pursued. He’s just looking for a sport.
Pursuing him can result in hurt.
My ladies, many times we get hurt because we allow silly things right
from the beginning of a relationship. I know I have done so in the
past. It doesn’t have to continue being like that. There are a lot of
good men out there and until we heal our pain from the past and move on
from it and the victim mentalities, we’ll keep on dating the same type
of men but with different names.
Don’t rush into a relationship with the next person that shows a bit of
interest. Have standards and see if those standards can be met and can
sustain you in a long term relationship. I find it rather sad that a
lot of women are incomplete and are looking for someone to complete
them. You can’t find anyone who will complete you until you complete
yourself first. Develop yourself first, demand respect by respecting
yourself, don’t be afraid to state your standards even if it means you
“losing” that guy. If he’s turned off by your standards then he’s not
the one for you.
Be blessed.
By Nyasha Tafari ‘Ardbody
|
Immigration in UK
STRANIERIINITALIA.IT
